


The Ocean of Storms

by islasands



Series: Lambski [69]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Reunions, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sauli has had opportunity to view the moon through a powerful telescope. The clarity of the view is not unlike the clarity of his understanding of the man he loves...</p><p>The music is Chet Baker's "The Touch of Your Lips" from the album of the same name. (1979) </p><p>I chose it deliberately as the counterpoint subtext to the surface tension of the story. Jazz is good for that. You might like to listen while you read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ocean of Storms

"The Touch of Your Lips"

 

Chet Baker

 

  


 

 

Part 1

“They will be ruined,” Sauli observed. Adam looked up. “So.” he said. “I like ruined fruit. Always have.” He looked down at the bowl. He knew very well that each of the fruits, - pears, plums, peaches, nectarines - had been carefully selected for color, degree of ripeness and skin integrity. Not by him. By Sauli. Now almost all of them bore the crescent indentations of his thumbnail. He casually fished beneath the top layer and extracted the ones he had missed. He scarred them as well. 

“Why is there nothing to eat in the house?” 

“There is.” Sauli walked past him and in passing took one of the defiled peaches from the bowl. He went into the living-room and sat on the couch. He resumed watching the movie he had been watching.

Adam came and slumped down next to him.

“What’s this?” he said.

Sauli handed him the case. “The Man Without a Past.”

“You could at least turn on the subtitles.” 

“There aren’t any.”

“There must be.” Adam picked up the remote, paused the movie, and searched through the menu. “That’s ridiculous,” he said, casting the remote onto Sauli’s lap. “Why didn’t you get something we both can watch? You’re not going to leave that there, are you,” he added. 

Sauli bent forward and picked up the peach stone He wiped the glass of the coffee table with his sleeve and stood up. He looked down at Adam but decided not to say what he was thinking. Instead he went back into the kitchen. He filled a large glass with water and slowly drank it all in one go. A moment later Adam heard the door slam. “Go on then. Go,” he said to himself. He decided he needed to have a nap before the party. He showered, humming to himself as he washed, only stopping when he was soaping himself and a partial erection occurred. He made an effort to improve the situation but his contentious frame of mind left him dangling. “Fuck you then,” he said to his non-compliant penis. He dried himself, put on his bathrobe, and went to the bedroom. He looked through his wardrobe. He went to the spare room and looked through the wardrobe in there. In both rooms he left various garments on the beds and the floor. He gave up searching and lay down on his bed. He tried to sleep but couldn’t. He heard Sauli coming into the house. He resisted the urge to go and see what he was doing. He smelled the smell of cooking. He heard the movie start up again. “Sauli!” he yelled. “Sauli!”

Sauli arrived in the doorway, holding his plate of food. “What?” he said. Clearly his mouth was full. Not only that but he was aggravatingly stripped to the waist. 

“I think tonight I’ll go by myself. I just want it over and done with. Strictly hi and bye. Do you mind.” 

Sauli shrugged. “Whatever you want. Do what you want.” The food in his mouth was made visible by his speech. Adam rolled over so that he didn’t have to look.

“I don’t need your permission for that,” he mumbled. Then more loudly, “And can you shut the door. I’m trying to sleep. Why don’t you use the headphones.”

Sauli closed the door. 

Part 2

“Oh, nice to see you two together again. I don’t know how you guys cope. I wouldn’t cope. Not for five minutes.” Their friend emphasized her dependence on her partner by leaning her head on his shoulder. “I miss him when he’s in another room,” she declared. Her partner nodded at Adam, pulling a face of feigned incredulity. 

“You get used to it,” Adam said. “Case of having to. Drinks?” he asked. He put his arm around Sauli and steered him over to the bar. He kept his arm around him while they waited. Another of their friends came and stood next to Sauli. They laughed about something. Sauli guffawed loudly. Adam tightened his grip on Sauli’s arm and Sauli looked up at him. Adam grinned at the mutual friend, then looked down, the grin still fixed on his face. “I’m gonna go. But you don’t have to. You stay. I’m too fucked.” He released Sauli abruptly. “I’ll see you when you get home.” Sauli watched him saying his goodbyes to people, hugging some, kissing others. Then he was gone.

“Stay!” the friend said to him. “Go on. Stay,” she repeated. Her insistence was sympathetic in tone. Sauli was aware that others in the room were noticing Adam’s departure and were doubtless adding it to the fact that for most of the night he had seemed to be keeping his distance from Sauli. He shrugged. He decided to stay.

He talked, he danced, he ate, he drank. Hours later, when most of the party goers had gone home, he joined the host in doing some moon watching. It was a clear night and the host was proud of his newly acquired telescope. Through it Sauli could see the jagged profile of the moon’s outline. “Pristine, isn’t it.” the man said. “Use this to adjust the sighting, this, the magnification. It’s really sensitive so you won’t need much.” 

“Oh, I’ve lost it,” Sauli said. The man took over the eye piece. As he made the necessary adjustments he extolled the virtues of the telescope, explaining in detail why he had chosen this particular model over others. “Normally you wouldn’t want a Catadioptric, not in a city sky. Not worth it. But up here it’s pretty damn good. Not too much light pollution. There. Take a look now.” Sauli looked. The moon’s landscape was ghostly pale. It looked as though it was being lit by another moon, not by the sun. It’s face was pitted in parts, encrusted in others. The craters threw stark shadows. A few of them had mysterious black centers. Other quite extensive areas, blotchy like stains, were indistinct. They looked like murky clouds. The owner of the telescope stood close by him, consulting an ipad to assist in identifying the major geographical features. 

“The big dark mass up on the left is Oceanus Procellorum. You see it? That’s the Ocean of Storms. It’s the biggest shadow.”

“Yes. I see it.”

“And the little round one further down on the left, that’s Mare Humorum, The Sea of Moisture. And to the right of that, Mare Nubium.”

“Mare Nubium,” Sauli repeated. 

“Sea of Clouds. Beautiful names aren’t they. I love the names.” 

Sauli looked at the Sea of Clouds. “This is amazing,” he said. “So clear. So silent.” The host nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. You can practically see the silence.” Sauli agreed. “It’s beautiful,” he said, but secretly his mind was elsewhere. He had begun to wish that he was eating an egg and he couldn’t decide which way he would like to cook it. 

“I better go.” he said to the moon. He released it from his gaze, thanked the host with a quick embrace, and went to get his things. He called a taxi and went downstairs to wait. While he was standing in the driveway one of Adam’s closest friends suddenly appeared. She placed her hand on Sauli’s arm. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked. 

Sauli smiled at her. He bent forward and kissed her cheek. “He is fine,” he said. 

“Oh I know he is. It’s you I’m worried about.”

The taxi arrived and Sauli quickly kissed the woman again. “Call me,” she said. “I will,” he replied. When he got home he ran up the stairs. He was cold and hungry. He went straight to the kitchen and made preparations for poaching eggs. He swirled the simmering water and watched the whirlpool capture the eggs, preventing their whites from fraying. He timed the cooking time perfectly so that when he punctured the yokes with his fork the gold ran out and spread over the dish. He sprinkled the shiny lava with salt. When he was done he licked the salty parts of the plate clean. He decided against having a shower and went straight to bed. He had not expected Adam to be home, and indeed the bed was empty. It was nice having it to himself and in minutes he was sound asleep. 

Part 3

When he opened his eyes, Adam was there, lying next to him. Sauli stared at his sleeping face. His brows were faintly drawn together. The frown lines and the surface of his skin reminded him of the moon. But not his lips. They looked soft and full. The bottom one was thrust forward as though he was about to cry. The corners of his mouth suddenly turned down. His frown deepened. A faint tremor seemed to run across his face. His eyes opened. He stared at Sauli. “I knew you were looking,” he said.

“You were having a dream.”

“Was I?”

There was a pause. “Your head is like the moon,” Sauli said. 

Adam pulled a face. “The what?" 

“I saw it up close,” Sauli went on. “Through a telescope. It’s much bigger than you think. It has seas without water in them and all of these empty volcanoes.”

“And that’s what my head is like?” Adam’s lips twitched. He wanted to smile but checked himself at the last moment.

“Do you know, only one side ever has the sun?” 

Adam couldn’t think of a reply. The temptation to smile had been fleeting. He turned over irritably and looked at his phone. “Fuck. I’m late.” He jumped up and went into the bathroom and started running the shower. He came back into the room and kicked at the clothes he had left on the floor. He rummaged in drawers, selected a shirt from the wardrobe, and went off to find a particular pair of shoes. When he returned he sat on the bed and called someone on his phone. Sauli lay still, his eyes closed. He was mentally counting the minutes the shower ran before Adam actually got into it. This had to be a record. 

Finally, he was ready “What a fucking mess,” he remarked as he left the room. “Don’t forget, family lunch,” he called out from the hallway. 

Sauli didn’t forget. Adam arrived late and went and stood behind Sauli’s chair. He bent down and bestowed a token kiss on the top of his head. He commented on his mother’s appearance and when she urged him to sit down next to her he refused. He apologized for being late and confessed that he could not in fact stay. He patted Sauli’s shoulder by way of saying goodbye. Across the table he cracked a joke with his brother, something about his ingrained resistance to punctuality. He smiled benignly at everyone, avoided meeting Sauli’s eyes, and left. 

By the end of the lunch date Sauli and Adam’s mother were left to themselves. They discussed his recent trip. She asked the right questions to draw him out. 

“You must miss them,” she said. “It’s a shame they’re so far away. Now tell me, how are things going, now you’re back.” 

Sauli smiled. It was a difficult smile for Adam’s mother to read. “Things are fine,” he said. 

“Oh, that’s good. I’m glad. You know I care about you almost as much as I care about him. And I know he can be...” Her sentence trailed off. 

Sauli noted the anxiety in her eyes. He knew what she was asking. He never talked about Adam to anyone, well, not anyone in America, but he decided to reassure her. She was like a mother to him. A good sensible mother, the sort you can trust with a confidence.

“It takes him a few days,” he said. “Sometimes longer.”

“To do what?” 

Sauli sipped his drink. He was thinking in Finnish and then translating his thoughts into English. 

“To let himself remember me,” he said. 

Part 4

He ran up the stairs and burst noisily into the house. He was in a hurry to use the toilet. He dropped his bags in the hall and ran to the bathroom. He relieved himself and then returned to the bags. He replaced some items that had fallen out. He went into the kitchen and put away the foodstuffs. He took a bottle of water out of the fridge and drank from it. 

He went into the living room and was surprised to see Adam sprawled on the couch. Adam smiled at him. “Hello, you,” he said. Sauli leaned on the door jamb. He drank some more of the water. He wiped his mouth. 

“Come and sit on me,” Adam said, patting his thighs. 

Sauli shook his head. “No.”

“Come on,” Adam cajoled. “You know you want to.” His eyes were half-closed. His smile was self-assured. “Come on.”

“No,” Sauli repeated. “I know you. You’ll try and hurt me,” He turned and went back into the kitchen. 

Adam snickered. He jumped up and pursued Sauli down the hallway. He caught him in the doorway of their bedroom, grabbed him and threw him on the bed. Without taking his eyes off Sauli he took off his clothes. He kicked off his shoes. He crawled over the bed and crouched over Sauli’s body. “Off. Off.” he said. He watched as Sauli fumbled with his belt and zipper. “Oh for fucks sake. Hurry up,” he said. Sauli raised his hips to assist the removal of his pants. Adam finished the task for him. He looked down at him. He laid his palm over his cock and pushed it to and fro against his abdomen. “Look at you. Always so ready, willing and able.” He reached back to take hold of Sauli’s legs and hoisted them up. He put them over his shoulders so that his hands could be free. He looked down at himself, measuring his proximity to Sauli’s buttocks, noting, pleasurably, how white they were. He looked up. “My moon,” he said, looking directly into Sauli’s eyes.

Sauli had put his arms behind his head. He squirmed at the scrutiny of Adam’s gaze and smiled shyly. It was such a hesitant smile that a wave of tender feeling halted Adam in the tracks of his ardour. He disengaged Sauli’s legs and laid himself carefully on top of him. He reached back and took Sauli’s hands from behind his head, entwining their fingers with his own and pinning them against the pillow. He kissed at his eyes and nose and cheeks, and then kissed his lips. “I missed you. I missed you. God, I missed you,” he said between kisses. “Oh fuck,” he said as he allowed himself to press his body down. “Fuck, Sauli,” he repeated. He shook his head as they continued kissing. The touching of their lips, the crushing together of their genitals, seemed the the ultimate expression of their compatability. He ground himself into the compact of their perfect fit, but the action heightened rather than diminished his feeling of ecstatic anguish. “God, you suit me,” he said. “In every way possible. You suit me.” 

“Mare Nubium,” Sauli whispered, brushing his lips against Adam’s. 

“What’s that?” Adam whispered back, but he closed his mouth over Sauli’s lips. 

“Mare Humorum,” Sauli said when there was a break in the kiss. He rose bodily to press into Adam’s flesh. He couldn’t help himself. He felt as though the sun itself was dawning in his chest. “My love,” he said. 

“Keep saying those things you’re saying,” Adam said, running his mouth and tongue and teeth down the side of Sauli’s throat. “I like it.”

Sauli tried to remember the Latin but couldn’t. “My ocean of storms,” he said, placing his hands on the sides of Adam’s head. The sky in his chest became a deep, noon-day blue. He drew Adam’s head down to meet it, taking full possession of his love’s return.

 

 


End file.
